Relena's shadow
by Fearless Shadow
Summary: Heero's gone, and Relena's mourning over him. Or is he really gone??? But when he does return to everyone's horror, can he face the consequences of his actions? Please R+R! Thankx! ;-) ~## CHAPTER 7 IS FINALLY IN!! ##~
1. Why always the ones I love?

Disclaimer: I… oh forget it… you ALL know what goes here… so, heck, I can't be bothered to put it in. Enjoy!  
  
Relena's Shadow  
  
Heero stepped up from behind the gigantic tomb-stone of King Peacecraft, watching the back of his princess' beautiful honey-blond hair flying behind her as she walked sadly back to her new black limo. He wished she wouldn't look so sad, but ever since he supposedly 'disappeared' she hadn't been the same.  
  
Relena looked back one more time at her parents' graves just as Heero hid back behind King Peacecraft's tombstone.  
  
'Why do I always lose the ones I really care about?' Thought Relena, staring blankly at the forget-me-not blue sky, fighting back the tears (I just couldn't resist putting that in).  
  
'Oh.' She sighed deeply.  
  
'Why Heero?? Why? She asked silently still staring blankly at the sky…  
  
'RELENA!'  
  
'Coming brother.'  
  
'Goodbye mother, father.' She said quietly, finally braking her glance from the sky, walking back to the limo.  
  
~  
  
It was Saturday morning, and Relena had finally managed to get a day off from work, walking down the road that lead to the countryside.  
  
Little did she know that she had a mysterious stalker…  
  
'Oh Relena…'  
  
'Huh?' Relena gasped bewildered. She stopped in her tracks.  
  
'Who's there?' She turned quickly around. Finding nothing, she turned back, and kept on walking.  
  
She reached a cliff that looked out onto the magnificently gleaming ocean.  
  
She loved watching the sunset from here.  
  
It would always let her think freely about… Heero…  
  
~  
  
'Oh Heero.' She said out loud.  
  
'Where are you? Everyone's telling me you're… you're dead, but I feel your presence… somehow. It's been three hole years, and I haven't been able to find you anywhere. Yet, I feel you're near me all the time.  
  
'That's because I am, I'm your shadow dearest Relena. Where-ever you go, I will go with you, whether you're aware of it or not. You'll never be alone Relena…  
  
Never…  
  
Ok, so, what did you think? Corny or what? Please tell me what you think. I NEED TO KNOW! I do know that this is just like all those other soppy HY/RP romance stories… but what can I say? I was bored! Bye! ~Fearless~ 


	2. If only you knew

1 A/N: I'm really sorry for taking so long with this chapter guys. Hope you like it though. I was thinking of something to write, and this came to me at about 12:23am last night. . .  
  
2  
  
3 If only you knew  
  
Relena finally awoke, startled that she had actually fallen asleep by the big oak tree that she loved so much. She used to come here with Heero all the time, just to lean back on the smooth trunk of the tree, and watch the sunset, with leaves falling off every now and again onto the floor.  
  
He never used to say much, just let her lean against him as they watched the brilliant reds and yellows and purples and pinks shoot across the horizon.  
  
She yawned, and glanced at her digital watch.  
  
22:24  
  
"Oh no!" She moaned, and got up hastily. It wasn't all that dark, she could still walk home.  
  
She moaned again.  
  
'Milliardo will have a fit when I get home. He has probably sent out the whole Sanq kingdom defence and attack squads, plus the guards after me.'  
  
The last thing Relena wanted to do was to get caught by any of her brother's people; they would probably just point a gun at her head, and dare her to move (it wouldn't work though as Relena knew they would never ~dare~ to shoot her), or maybe the newer ones would treat her like a queen and act fidgety and nervous around her. They were such bad guards. The only one who was even half as good as Heero had been was Duo, but he was away on leave.  
  
Suddenly, someone; a man, wearing a black cloak with a cap on his head, and a load of hair in front of his eyes, ran in front of her, and pushed her ever so gently backwards onto the grass by the pavement.  
  
Abruptly, a huge lorry came speeding past the area she had just been standing in.  
  
She finally came back to her senses and noticed that she had been standing on the road! Was she ~that~ preoccupied?  
  
She looked wildly around her to find some sign of her mysterious rescuer. She sighed.  
  
'I wish I could have seen him,' she thought miserably to herself. 'I thought it was Heero for a moment,' but then scolded herself for thinking such things.  
  
"Heero's dead!" She said firmly out loud.  
  
She hadn't intended to. It had just slipped out. Actually, she knew why she had said it; to make herself believe that he ~was~ dead.  
  
Tears started clouding her bright blue eyes, but she refused to cry. That was the past. She had to forget somehow.  
  
* * *  
  
'What the hell was she thinking?' Heero asked himself, while walking on the dark path that led to the old oak tree; where he had carved 'HY Loves RP', and below it 'I'm alive' ( A few days ago) on the cliff where he and Relena used to go all the time... and where he had watched her sleep for three hours on end just a few minutes ago.  
  
He couldn't believe that she would just run out onto the road like that. He had nearly given away his identity.  
  
But thankfully, he had pushed her back in time, so that the lorry wouldn't hit her, and escaped before she could get a good look at him.  
  
His anger began to subside. How could he stay angry at ~her~...? She was… the one he loved… granted, she didn't know it, but… Heero sighed.  
  
His thoughts once again wandered back to the old oak tree...  
  
~ FLASHBACK ~  
  
Heero helped Relena up the old oak tree that they always climbed to watch the beautiful sunset. The gleaming sun highlighted the light brown strands of Relena's beautiful hair.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
Heero turned around to face her, she looked concerned.  
  
"Yes," he whispered softly. Did she really need to talk at moments this beautiful and calm?  
  
"Where is this heading? We've been coming here for two whole years, to this very spot, practically every day, hardly talking, hardly doing anything. And. . . and. . . oh, it doesn't matter, I'm sorry."  
  
Heero searched for something in her clear blue eyes, he thought this would happen sooner or later. She was right though. She had told him a countless number of times how much she loved him, yet he hadn't told her once. He had been trying to hint that he had feelings for her, but hadn't been very successful. He couldn't just say 'I love you' ~now~. . . could he?  
  
"Heero? Um. . . I don't feel very well, could you please take me home?"  
  
He nodded, and helped her slowly down the tree, but didn't climb down himself.  
  
While she was looking once more at the still gleaming sun, he climbed a bit higher, he got out his pocket knife, and carefully carved in 'HY loves RP', and before she could suspect anything, he climbed back down quickly.  
  
~  
  
Relena carefully inserted the gold key into the lock, and turned around to face Heero.  
  
For a few moments they didn't say anything. . .  
  
'Now is the time! She wants you to say it! SAY IT GODDAMNIT! You may never get another chance!'  
  
He opened his mouth to say the three words he hadn't said to a single soul his whole lifetime, but nothing would come out.  
  
He closed his mouth again, and turned around.  
  
He couldn't do it. He was a coward. 'Could saying these three small words be harder than any of the countless battles, and wars I have taken part in?'  
  
Relena started to close the door remorsefully, when Heero suddenly turned around, and looked her straight in the eye. She re-opened the door a fraction, unable to resist the temptation to see his face. . . maybe for the last time. . . maybe they were over. . . maybe this had been what they needed for them both to move on. . . just some silly excuse to end it all.  
  
"You know I do." He said, and quickly disappeared around the black gates.  
  
~ END OF FLASHBACK~  
  
She hadn't found that mark yet, the one with 'HY loves RP', he didn't even know if she knew that he loved her. She hadn't found it when he was alive, and she hadn't found it when he was dead either. It was carved quite high up thankfully.  
  
He hadn't intended to write 'I'm alive', but he hadn't been thinking properly at the time. He realised it was a silly mistake, and that he should probably carve over it, but something was pulling him back from doing so. He knew that ~really~, he wanted Relena, and ~only~ Relena to find out that he was alive... but it wouldn't really be ~only~ her... someone else had found out that he was alive... but was that really a mistake, or should he be thankful that ~he~, her brother of all people knew???  
  
He had been debating this in his mind for a very long time, but he still hadn't come to any conclusions...  
  
He finally arrived at ~the~ tree and fell into a deep slumber.  
  
* * *  
  
A/N: Well???? What did you all think? I FINALLY decided to continue with it. My apologies for taking so long ^_~  
  
Okay, now PLEASE review! Go! Cheers... 


	3. Paranoia

"WHERE ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD?!?!?"  
  
Relena winced at her brother's tone of voice… and how loud he was. It was too late for him to be screaming so loudly… didn't he know she had a headache? "I'm sorry, Milliardo... I fell asleep and I didn't realise what time it was." She replied defensively. She didn't want to tell him that she had nearly been run over by a gigantic lorry, and that she didn't even know who had saved her, because  
  
He would get all protective, and probably forbid her from going out again without a bodyguard.  
  
He would probably search everywhere to find out who had rescued her, and this would probably take ages and put the whole family under a lot of unneeded stress. Besides, the only possible reason for her rescuer to leave so quickly would be that he didn't want to be discovered.  
  
If she thought Milliardo couldn't get any redder, she was mistaken. His face almost blended in with the rich red carpets they had in the hallway of their mansion.  
  
She nearly took a step back, but thought better of it. She was nearly 22 years old! She wasn't a child! She could look after herself, and Milliardo had no right to go bossing her around like some overprotective English nanny!  
  
"RELENA! I know there is something else behind this! Are you seeing someone?!!"  
  
Relena laughed almost bitterly at that, "No, brother. I… am… not." She gasped out between chuckles. "And even if I was, I don't know why I should have to talk to you about it. I'm old enough to look after myself, thank you very much."  
  
"AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" He clutched his hair tightly, and looked as if he was about to say something, but instead, turned around and began walking away.  
  
He turned back slightly. His face looked almost normal now. Thankfully. He sighed. "Just make sure it doesn't happen again. If you're going to be out late, then just let me know so I don't get worried."  
  
"But..." Relena frowned, puzzled. Her brother's primordial screaming had been… worrying, to say the least. But he wasn't trying to find out about what had *really* happened to her, and that was even more worrying. What was wrong with him? He never usually gave up that quickly when in a fight with her. Didn't he even send out any of the guards to see where she was?  
  
"But… what?" he tilted his head.  
  
"Did you... erm, send out any guards after me or anything?"  
  
He shook his head. "No, I just sent one out to see where you were. He was to call back to me if he found you, but nothing else." His eyes suddenly turned cold. He turned away abruptly to make sure his face remained impassive, expressionless… "I knew you were safe anyway..." He whispered, his voice barely audible, even in the quiet hallway. And with that, he walked away almost silently; his handmade Italian shoes making soft tapping noises on the wooden floor where the length of the carpet ended.  
  
If Relena was confused before, it was nothing compared to how she felt now.  
  
What was that supposed to mean? 'I knew you were safe anyway'?  
  
Did that mean he had sent someone out to spy on her? Or had he spied on her himself? He had said that he had sent one guard out to see where she was, and just to tell him where she was, and nothing else. That must be it… that guard who had reminded her of … *him* … had been spying on her! She laughed inwardly. She was a fool to think it could have been anything else…  
  
Suddenly though, her smile faded, only to be replaced by tears. Tears for the dead.  
  
"Heero," she whispered.  
  
Before he had died, Heero and her brother had been close friends, and when Relena went out for something or another, he would always get Heero to spy on her, to see if she was all right on her own.  
  
But once again, in the last minute or so, her expression changed, into curiosity, sadness, and… Paranoia.  
  
What Milliardo had said echoed once more in her mind,  
  
"I knew you were safe anyway…"  
  
That phrase sounded oddly familiar... like it had been said many times before… but no… it couldn't be! Could it? No, she was just being paranoid as usual.  
  
"No way!" She exclaimed out loud. "It can't be! It just can't!" The pain she felt … thinking about him was beginning to envelop her… She couldn't hold it in any longer. Tears began streaming down her beautiful porcelain face. She hadn't cried like this since she was a child, when she hadn't been allowed to get the toy she wanted. But Heero wasn't a toy. And she wanted him back more than any stupid old toy…  
  
He was the only person she could actually really love in that way. Maybe if she went out, she might be able to clear her head... It wasn't all that dark... she didn't fancy going out at 10:50pm on her own though… but if she didn't, she'd go mad...  
  
Before she knew what she was doing, she stormed over to the huge closet, retrieved her coat, and walked out for the second time to the same destination.  
  
The cliff.  
  
She needed some time to clear her head... and anything that might enable her to perhaps in some way re-live the past was more than welcome.  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
Yay! Woo! Next chapter!  
  
I don't actually know what's going to happen next, but I'm trying to figure something out. I mean, I don't want it to be something that you'd expect to happen, but I also don't want to finish it so quickly. Anyway, PLEASE review! I would really appreciate it if you would! And all suggestions are welcome! 


	4. You can't be alive there's no way I won'...

Relena began making the long journey to the cliff and the tree. She felt confused. Maybe she needed to see a psychiatrist to finally free her mind of Heero. 

She sighed. 

Or maybe I should just go on a very long vacation to Antarctica, maybe the cold would numb her senses, and she'd have more important things to think about than Heero… but even better, there was always the concept of freezing to death. But as soon as she though of it, she mentally scolded herself. Since when had she become so morbid? Whatever hardships she had in her life, she had promised herself that she would get through it no matter what. 

But then again, who would care if she died? It wasn't like the world needed her anymore. Her brother could always take up the position of vice foreign minister, in fact, he would probably be even better then she was. It wasn't like the old gang would miss her much, they had all moved on pretty much anyway.

She shook her head aggressively. NO. She would NEVER again consider this option. There was no way. They did care about her. She was sure of it.

Tears threatened to overcome her strong will once again, but she managed to fight against it, well, she would at least wait until she got to her 'hideout'.

Though, without realising it, she had mentally walked herself all the way to the cliff.

She sighed. She thought she saw a misty image of Heero snoozing by the tree for a second like when he was alive but quickly shook her head in protest. She had finally gone mad and had begun hallucinating.

She walked over to the edge of the cliff looking down into the magnificent dark blue ocean, the moons shimmering reflection glowing majestically on the surface.

Suddenly a shuffling noise came from behind. She spun around as quickly as she could, hoping to catch a glimpse of the person shuffling uneasily behind her.

But at that moment she froze. Dark chocolate coloured mane, brilliant figure, gun poking out of his thin clothing…

"Heero…" She whispered unsure if she should let herself be carried into her own little dreamworld.

The man suddenly stopped dead in his tracks.

What did she say? Had she seen him then? No, he was too stealthy; he couldn't have let that happen. But, his pounding heart and his nervousness could very well have given him away. But, this was wrong, he couldn't let Relena see him, he would just brake her heart all over again, and he couldn't bear to watch her go through that all over again… but, maybe she _needed him… perhaps…_

Without knowing what he was doing, he began walking backwards slowly, and then spun around to face this magnificent creature he had hurt so much so long ago.

She froze. Unable to process everything that was happening, and that a dead man was suddenly appearing before her. But this couldn't be! Maybe because she wanted to see him so badly, god thought that she should get to see him one last time? But… he looked so real, and… he didn't look very 'dead-like' or anything. Suddenly, the 'thing' bought up his hand and caressed her pink glowing cheeks.

She stopped breathing and with all the energy she could muster, tiptoed slowly back trying to get away from the horrible nightmare. What had she done that would make god want to put her through so much pain and suffering again? But forgetting that she was already so close to the edge of the cliff, still tried to move back away from this apparition.

"Relena," He whispered, barely audible. He paused seeing that Relena had stopped for a split second.

"Heero," She replied in a voice that was full of all the love he had missed for all those years that he was 'gone'. Not sure if she should let herself believe that he was really there.

"I… I love you…" He somehow managed to choke out after all this time, even though this didn't seem to be the best place to say it, but he felt that if he didn't say it now, then he wouldn't be able to say it ever again. Or even get a perfect chance to.

Her eyes widened, and full of tears, she began inching closer to the edge again.

God no, can't she see where she's going? What the hell is she doing walking to the edge of the cliff? Oh no… god no, please, she can't be considering suicide… and all because of me. I KNEW this was a bad idea! He froze in shock as she inched closer and closer to the edge, his brain urging him to stop her from going that extra few centimeters, but his body was just paralyzed unable to move anywhere. But then abruptly, he managed to move his arm in attempt to save her from falling, he had to save her! But just at that moment, Relena got alarmed at his hand reaching out so quickly in an attempt to save her, and jerked back…

Heero fell to the ground, his hand still suspended in mid air, mentally beating himself at why he hadn't stopped her from falling sooner. He could have, but the fear of loosing her had just consumed him at that moment, and paralyzed him. That was how much he loved her. Well, in his own way.

After a while, he dared himself to look over into the ocean, once so beautiful and blue, now coated in an angel's blood. The blood of his love.

The realization of what had just happened finally dawned to him.

He finally put his hand down beside his quivering body, and for the first time since he was a child, burst into tears.

*  *  *

Milliardo froze. That ass hole! What the hell was that? Why hadn't he tried to save her? The stupid git!

Why didn't he save her? What was wrong with him? Why? Why? How could this be happening?

He suddenly remembered his cell phone, and took it out of his pocket as fast as he could calling for a private ambulance, tears streaming down his pale face while he tried to keep a calm voice.

*  *  *

Well? Didn't I say that this chapter would be depressing? Please review and tell me what you think. And no, she didn't mean to jump off by the way. Just thought you guys should know. Thanks!


	5. The shock is too much to bear

"How was the operation doctor? Will she be alright?"

"Well, it's hard to say at this moment, but one thing is for sure, she won't be able to walk for a while… that's if she ever walks again. But even if she survives through this operation, it's not likely that she will be unscathed… in other ways… But her head injuries will heal in no time." He replied.

Milliardo shook his head, and sighed. He had cried so much in the past 7 hours that he felt he didn't have any more tears left to shed.

His poor sister… Heero would pay dearly for this. Because of him, Relena would possibly never walk again, be emotionally wounded, and what about any other permanent scars? All this time he had trusted Heero with his sister's life, and this is what he had gone and done. The arse hole! He kicked the plastic blue chair that he had been sitting on moments earlier.

The doctor just stared in shock at how one of the most powerful men of the country was behaving.

"Okay doctor. Thank you for all you've done for… us."

And with that, turned around and walked to the lavatory where he could cry without fearing anyone seeing him in this state.

*  *  *

Heero wiped away a last tear and stood up from the old rocking chair in the abandoned apartment he and Relena had shared before he had 'left'.

He fell to the floor, his legs no longer being able to support his body weight.

God, he was so unbelievably hungry.

He hadn't been himself lately. Far too emotional… but that's how being with Relena effected him. And he wasn't sure he hated himself for that.

After finally realising he couldn't get up, he used this chance to think about how he would get into the hospital without anyone noticing him. It would be a little difficult considering it was a private hospital with guards positioned at every entrance, but maybe he could climb through a window.

It was okay if Milliardo saw him, after all, he did know that he was alive, and he didn't know that it was his fault that Relena fell off the cliff.

He had already thought about what he would do if the other pilots were there, hide. He had no other choice. He just had to see Relena. Or maybe this was the perfect time to let the others know that he was alive… _Maybe._

*  *  *

"Argh…" A young girl moaned him a dark private hospital room.

No one deserved to go through this much goddamned pain! It felt as though about 100 knives were being stabbed into her at the same time. Kind of like when you dive into a swimming pool and you hit you chest first on the surface.

She sighed. Why wasn't there anyway by her side? Holding her hand, or at least lying by her bed….

But…?? What? Who… what? How did she get here? She couldn't remember anything!

In extreme shock and frustration, she did the only thing she could do without using any of her limbs. She screamed.

*  *  *

Milliardo woke up with a start.

A scream! Whose scream?…

"Relena!"

He knocked on the door a few times, but realising she probably couldn't hear him anyway, opened the door.

"Relena!" He yelled once more.

She stopped yelling immediately.

Well, a man… a young man, around in his 20's only a little older than her-she assumed she was around 20 anyway- with striking platinum blond hair which poured down majestically to his waist. She just stared. She found that she didn't know exactly how to react in a situation like this.

"Relena? Are you okay, dear sister?" 

Sister? Okay, so, she had a brother… shocking? No, she didn't feel shocked… what _was she feeling? Well… like she didn't actually care! She found herself thinking of whether they'd been close, but she assumed that if they were she wouldn't feel this way._

He finally walked across the room over to her bed a little shakily, paused and suddenly embraced her, tears streaming down his face.

Relena, unable to do anything else whilst being 'clutched' by this overly emotional –and quite handsome she had to admit- man, put her arms around him, but not exactly hugging him. 

He however noticed this, and pulled back slightly, gazing intently into her bright blue orbs.

"Relena, are you okay? What on earth is the matter with you?"

Relena noticing that she had to unfortunately speak, pondered for a few seconds about what she should say- and came to the conclusion that it was best just to start easy and simple.

"Um… I'm fine…I'm sorry… but um…" Okay, out with it damnit! "I don't actually now who you are… I mean, I know that supposedly you're my brother and everything… but"

She stopped, blushing furiously. –Why was she feeling like this? He was handsome, she had to admit, but this was pretty embarrassing in front of her brother.

He pulled back completely, as his cheeks seemed to redden slightly.

Milliardo felt drained… she couldn't…. couldn't remember! Argh! No! He felt the urge just to kick something, but still, the full meaning of this hadn't hit him yet. And he was also feeling a little embarrassed at the way his sister was acting around him- but it wasn't her fault she couldn't remember anything! But he just couldn't help but blush anyway.

Uneasiness filled the room.

Okay, so, say something you idiot. You look like a fool in front of your brother… say something, anything. – Okay, fine apart from the lines 'you're really fit.'

"Sorry, could I please have a glass of water, um… sir?"

He glanced at her, noticed that she had said something and finally actually realised what she had said.

"Huh? Oh, right, yes of course. Call me Milliardo. I'm your brother Relena… don't be embarrassed…" He smiled at her kind heartily. With a last glance, and a nod, he left the room. 

She began to wonder how smart he looked… he also seemed quite posh by the way he talked actually. What kind of family had she been raised up in? By the looks of the suit that he had been wearing, and the room that she was in, it seemed as though they had a lot of money. Private hospital, tailor made suits. She couldn't wait to see her house- if she had one.

And what about her parents? Shouldn't her mother be with her at a time like this? Or… what? Was there a possibility that she didn't have any parents? That thought actually seemed quite… familiar. After all she thought miserably, if she did have parents, she was certain they would have been with her now. 

She sighed sadly. She must have had an awfully miserable and lonely life.

She was diverted suddenly from her trail of thought by a soft clicking noise coming from the other side of the large white room. What was it? Was the lock being tampered with?

And another man entered. He looked about at her age, with messy chocolate brown hair, with the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen.

He stopped in the middle of the room, neither of them saying a word. For some strange reason, Relena didn't feel the need to… well, be afraid of him, or even ask him who he was. She was content with just sitting there and gazing adorably up at his young face that seemed to be filled with a century's worth of pain and exhaustion.  Milliardo seemed quite strained too. She wondered if all of her friends looked so pained and stressed like they did. She began to dread the thought of getting her memory back. Her old life appeared to be filled with nothing but pain- finally, something she was sure of.  She was absolutely sure that her life before had been an utter hell, and wasn't worth going back to. Perhaps she shouldn't get attached to all her old friends. Start a new life. With no adversity. She didn't care. She wasn't afraid to begin a new life, somewhere far away.

"Relena…" He whispered.

Why did people always say her name like that? With so much… well… respect, and love. Too much love. Which meant to many weaknesses. No weaknesses. No pain. No distractions. 

"Relena," he repeated. Just him saying her name again though sent a chill down her spine, and she found herself melting under his intense… glare at her. 

She though, once again, had no idea how to reply to this.

"Yes? …I'm sorry, but I really have no idea who you are. Or what you're doing here. I'm… Relena, were you a friend of mine?"

The man had slowly started to walk over to her, but immediately froze when he heard her say those words… _'I really have no idea who you are…'_

What was this? Some kind of cruel sick joke? Was she in denial? Did she completely and utterly refuse to believe that he was alive? Or had the fall been so terrible… that she had amnesia?  Yes, it had to be Amnesia. Relena would never be so sadistic.

He looked deeply into her pale blue eyes meaningfully as though he was willing her to remember, wishing, hoping… and suddenly saw her sit-up, rigid, and looking spaced out. He walked over to her and held her arms tightly yet trying to be gentle.

"Relena!" He shook her gently. "Relena, talk to me, are you all right?"

She remained like that for a few seconds, which seemed like eternity before she finally relaxed.

Her eyes came back into focus, but now seemingly filled with tears…

Their gazes finally locked, and he saw some part of the old Relena in there… but just for a split second. She opened her mouth to say something… but couldn't… and tried again…

"Heero…" 

He let go of her… utterly shocked, and a sudden rush of euphoria threatened to over-come him. And nothing mattered anymore. She remembered. That was all he needed to go on. She was his strength. And with that, ran back over to her and began sobbing on her shoulder. He felt her warm hands rap around him, as though protecting him from all the horrors of his past with her newly established innocence… and just wanted to stay like that forever and ever. And he didn't even care about the 'clichéness' of his thoughts. He didn't care at all…

*  *  *

So, um… what did you think? Awww come on guys, you have to review! Right? Cool! Yay! Thanks!


	6. Limited memory

Disclaimer: The characters of Gundam Wing and the scenes I used in this chapter when Relena began remembering her past, do not belong to me. 

* * *

Relena finally broke the hug by slightly pushing him away- enough to make him understand that perhaps she didn't want to be hugged.

Heero, realising this, retreated, hurriedly wiping any signs of weakness from his eyes. 

He gazed back into her bright blue orbs, but unlike the last time, this Relena now seemed confused, lost… even hurt… The Relena he had known had once again vanished.

"Heero..."

Heero stood rigid. She sounded… almost guilty; bad news would inevitably follow a quivering voice like that. 

So all his dreams really had been false hopes. He mentally damned himself for being so emotional. He was always prepared for the worst – always – he was never shocked, and now… being with Relena reminded him so much of why he had to 'leave' in the first place. She didn't deserve him… he wasn't stable when he was around her… she deserved a man that would make her happy, instead of playing with her emotions.

Heero forcefully glanced back down to her face. 

He nodded. He understood the urgency in her voice… she couldn't remember… 

She wanted to tell him how sorry she was for not remembering, yet not knowing how close they really were and why she felt so strongly about him. Which, he was sure of.

She immediately looked sorrowful. She seemed to have realised how much her not remembering had hurt him.

"Look… Heero… I'm sorry; I could only… recover fragments of my memory. I just can't make myself remember Heero… I just can't." She looked up at him suddenly, remembering her new resolution not to get too close – and added, "You have to be able to understand that."

However, she soon regretted saying that. Hurting… Heero, just seemed awful – he didn't deserve to feel so morose. 

But why did she feel like that? So guilty? They were probably – most definitely – very close. She dearly wished that she could remember, she so badly needed a friend to talk to, to listen to her problems… someone she could trust. She knew she could trust Heero, but she didn't know if by talking to him she would just hurt his feelings…

"Heero… how… I mean, were we friends? Or… more than that?" She finally let out. She had to ask… she couldn't just keep stumbling awkwardly into answers like this… 

He stood there, unable to reply to such a bold question.

'How could she ask me this? Me?' he thought incredulously. But he couldn't blame her – she didn't know how anti-social he was, and how he would never answer such… such… 'weak' questions.

"Okay… I guess from that silence that we were just friends –" 

"No…" He contradicted, causing another one of the many awkward and painful silences to follow. 

She found it so hard to speak to this man… one minute he seemed so kind, and well, normal… but now, he was almost inhumane – what with his blank stare and blank expression and confusing answers, no matter what the situation! And him not answering a question like that made the impression that he didn't like talking about… well, emotional things? Perhaps things that forced him to break the stone wall around his heart and show the world he had emotions, had… weaknesses – that there were things on the earth and colonies that held emotional value for him. 

She stopped abruptly… what the hell was she thinking about? What emotional value? There _was_ no emotional value. They were just friends – she couldn't believe that even in another… another lifetime she would allow herself to love, or even _like _such a man.

She began to get angry. Somewhere deep inside, she knew that _Heero _held that power – the power to crush her heart with just a few simple words. She had to be careful – had to stay away from him. 

She wasn't prepared to let him enter her life and destroy her as he had done before.

__

… before …

Heero…

"I would be honoured if you would come to my birthday party."

She handed over the invitation.

He took it; rather reluctantly, it seemed and glared at it for a few seconds as though there might be anthrax stored away inside.

And suddenly, she watched as he ruthlessly tore the invitation into two.

The next few minutes seemed to pass by in a blur. She would be the laughing stock of the whole school... such an important figure being turned down, and to make matters worse, by a ruffian of a boy…! 

But that was insignificant – she felt as though if she let him go, then she would lose something so valuable… something so very valuable that she knew she had to have, and needed to have by her side… and this new emotion that she wanted to feel… needed to feel… needed him to feel… but what? What was this new emotion? Perhaps… Love…? 

Relena, that's ridiculous,_ she told herself._

But even before she could gather her head around what she was feeling and why, he brushed past, wiping away a tear that she hadn't noticed rolling down her cheek, and whispered,

"I'll kill you…"

She breathed heavily. 

She blinked a few times, trying to bring back her clear vision, and finally noticed Heero, towering over her, and – miracle of miracles – holding her hand, though rather gingerly.

They stayed in that position for a while – Heero unable to make a more bold move in case it seemed to emotional or weak, and Relena trying to remember in detail everything that she saw in that flashback of memory. He had wanted to kill her…

A sound on the other side of the room towards the door suddenly drew their attention.

She hated to think what it would look like to someone standing by the door looking at them, but she was soon to find out… her brother came slowly into the room, his footsteps echoing repeatedly off the walls.

And suddenly he looked up to find Heero, standing over his precious sister.

Heero…

"You asshole!" 

He lunged across the room, dropping the cup that he previously had held Relena's tea, and pulled Heero roughly towards him, holding him by the collar of his blue Preventer shirt.

"What the HELL are you doing here, you son of a bitch?" In one swift movement, with as much strength as he could muster, Milliardo brought up his hand and punched Heero just below the bottom of the trained assassin's rib cage. Heero of course hadn't realised that Zechs would be so violent, and was still in too much shock to react to the force of the blow.

He stood in the same position for a few seconds, then stepped back a little and fell backwards to the floor, clutching his stomach.

"Why…?" Heero managed to gasp out through short painful breaths.

"Why?" He laughed, "The creature wants to know why! I'll tell you why, you…" he made a forceful movement in the air, "Because you could be so horrible as to hurt my sister so badly, because you would actually show your face again after such a long time after swearing to yourself, and me, that you wouldn't – because after showing your face to her, you couldn't even save her from falling down that cliff…"

He gasped as the painful memory of the cold day came back to him.

"… That you would just stand there…"

Relena frowned… _That cliff? I fell down a cliff… it makes some sense, I suppose… the pain…_

Heero tried to get up but, failing to do so, didn't try any harder, deciding it was best that he should say what he wanted to say while on the floor – him not being man enough to face Zechs. Look him in the eye while talking to him – no, he was a coward and he knew it…

"I… I'm… Look Zechs, I can't undo what I've already done; it was a mistake showing my face to her again. I regret what has happened to her, and it pains me even more to see what… what has become of her now… and all the time I was just standing there… unable to do anything from shock…. You have to understand me…" Heero's voice became almost pleading.

Milliardo stood there looking at him in disgust. "You're asking me to understand? How can I understand? From where I was standing, it looked like you pretty damn well wanted her to die!"

Heero winced and glanced at Relena… her face was void of emotion… even after what Zechs had said about him wanting her to die… _she didn't even care…_

She didn't care…the trauma from her past was beginning to haunt her even now… her pain-filled past… without his love… perhaps he wanted to make it up to her… but him? Who wanted to kill her? He could never do such a thing… for he was cold and heartless… after all, a cold heart is a dead heart… how on earth could she ever expect him to love her…?

Milliardo kicked him once, hard. "Look at me and stand up!" He ordered.

I could never tell her how much I loved her… how much I think about her everyday… how much I mentally beat myself, all the time because of my mistake… for I am a coward, and always will be… I won't change… I _can_not… _Heero scooted backwards on the floor and used the bedpost to haul himself upright._

__

Relena held her head in her hands: Perhaps he could have saved her from falling… he had saved her before from the explosion… 

… before?…

__

"Heero…" She whispered.

"I'm staying here until that fight is settled." He replied defiantly.

"Huh...?" She didn't understand, there was no need for this.

"Treize will find it hard to sink the Libra. When he does try, I'll destroy this ship from within."

"I still think this war can be stopped.... The idea that bloodshed is needed to achieve peace is the logic of a despot." Argued Relena… why did men always insist in fighting unnecessarily?

"Those two are fighting with the purpose of shedding blood.... Which is why I have no intention of stopping this fight."

__

"But…" That IS unnecessary for heavens sake!

"Remain here with me." He suddenly murmured.

"You'll protect me Heero?" She asked, letting it show how vulnerable she really was.

"I don't want to feel indebted to Zechs when we have to face off."

She sat down next to him. A little disappointed at his reply.

"If this ship goes down… then you and me brother will no longer have a reason to fight."

The Gundams… Heero… a mission… no longer queen of the world, fighting with her brother… He shouldn't have decided to fight with her and the other pilots…

__

Running… along a passageway on a ship…  
Libra. 

She glanced over at Heero.

He seemed almost anxious… and as afraid and perhaps even excited as she had ever seen him.

"What's the matter Heero?"

"Get down and cover your head…" Relena turned towards him, "The Peacemillion's going to ram us." Relena did as she was told and listened in terror as the sound of the ceiling caving in could be heard above her.

A while later she opened her eyes, with Heero lying flat on top of her, bruised and bleeding from the rubble that had fallen on top of them.

He had shielded her…

"Heero, you're hurt!"

"It's nothing serious…" He replied dismissively.

"This means that Zechs won't get the victory he'd hoped for." He said, thinking out loud.

__

"The victory… my brother hoped for?"

He paused, thinking for a little while longer, and looked up.

"The Zero is now needed…"  


"The Gundams…" She whispered. "Wing Zero…"

Heero stood still, as did Milliardo. They glanced at each other, forgetting their earlier fight for the minute. The same thought entered both their minds: She remembered.

__

Small fragments of memory… queen of the world?

… Treize …

Who was Treize? And… Gundams… they were big… huge, and Heero was inside one… red, green, blue- Zero… 

* * *

__

Okay, what did you guys think at the end of this one? She's not gonna remember too much, so don't get all your hopes up, it's going to go all wrong in the next chapter, which I've already written, but won't put up because I'm so evil, and hey, the suspense it good! Good suspense! 

And thanks so much **Chantico **for finding me the episode guide thingy and the scripts, and beta reading it for me!

Lol- anyway please review! Thanks so much for reading…

__


	7. Something was wrong so terribly wrong 'D...

A/N: Okay, the beginning of this fic is going to start with a 'sort-of' flashback- and I'm sorry that it just kinda jumps from one thing to another from the last chapter to this. . . it's just that, I wrote out a whole load of stuff before where I 'gradually' bought Duo into the scene, but then my computer crashed and I hadn't saved it, and I couldn't be bothered to write out the whole thing over again, so I'm just going to start this chapter with her remembering. Though it doesn't really flow with the last chapter like I said before. and now, I will shut my mouth. Lol- enjoy! Er. hopefully. just don't fall asleep or anything.  
  
* * *  
  
Small fragments of memory. . . queen of the world?  
  
. . . Treize. . .  
  
Who was Treize? And. . . Gundams. . . they were big. . . huge, and Heero was inside one. . . red, green, blue. . . blowing up practically everything in sight, with no consideration to what he killed.  
  
And then. . .  
  
The guy with the dark long braided hair, and dark brown sparkling eyes. . . so kind and gentle. . . he. . . she knew his name. . . she wasn't afraid of remembering this, she had to remember this. . .  
  
. . . Duo  
  
" Heero, what are you doing here? And who are you? Those are torpedoes, aren't they? I just want to know more about you. Talk to me, Heero!" She cried. ((And just in case you're confused, she is Relena.))  
  
"Relena. . . "  
  
"Heero. . . "  
  
Suddenly Heero pointed his gun at Relena. "You know too much! Goodbye, Relena!"  
  
Out of nowhere, someone else appears, and shoots Heero.  
  
" Heero!"  
  
Heero glares at the intruder, ignoring the gunshot wound in his arm, "Who?!"  
  
The intruder points his gun at Heero. "Obviously you are the bad guy here, aren't you? Are you all right, Miss?"  
  
Relena rushed over to help Heero, dismissing the man's question.. "Are you all right, Heero?"  
  
Heero lunged for his gun, and Duo shot him again.  
  
" Don't hurt yourself any further."  
  
"That's enough. What do you have to hurt him for?" Cried Relena, shocked at why this intruder would want to hurt a poor innocent boy.  
  
"Hey, wait a second. Damn, I'm the bad guy now. . . ?" He pondered, baffled at the girl's reaction to him just saving her damned life.  
  
Relena bandaged Heero up with some material she tore from her ball gown.  
  
Duo's alarm clock suddenly went off. "Oops, already here? I may have miscalculated the high tide. . . "  
  
Relena spotted the Gundam "What is that. . . ?"  
  
Duo pulled out a flare, and Relena turned away, and put her arm out in front of her eyes to shield them from the blinding light. "I can't let you see it. Miss, I don't know what's going on here, but you'd better go home now. It's for your own sake."  
  
Heero lunged for the missiles.  
  
" Hey, back off!" Warned an outraged Duo, as he shot at Heero again.  
  
"That's my Mobile Suit!" Said Heero in monotone, seemingly with no emotion what so ever, as usual, to seeing his Gundam again after he had seen it fall into the depths of the ocean. He launched the missiles.  
  
"What are you doing, bastard?!" Duo said as he fired at Heero again.  
  
"This is. . . the end. . . Mission complete." Muttered Heero to himself as he plunged into the water, seemingly dead.  
  
Meanwhile, the missiles hit Deathscythe and Wing. "He knows about the Gundams' self-destruct system. Is he the pilot of that Mobile Suit?" Said Duo in shock and frustration. How could he do that to his Gundam? The little son-of-a-bitch didn't have the right to blow up his Gundam like that!  
  
" Who are these people?" Relena murmured to herself.  
  
* *Snaps back to reality. * *  
  
Duo? Duo. . . he wasn't the bad guy. . . he was trying to protect me. . . She tried to remember something else about the mysterious man, but all she could remember was that he wasn't bad, he was kind. He had helped her. . . ?  
  
"Duo. . . Duo Maxwell. . . "  
  
"Duo?"  
  
What on earth would make her want to talk to Duo? How could she remember nothing about him, but everything about Duo? But he could very well be being paranoid. . . maybe she just remembered odd names.  
  
His head was spinning. . . in the last 24 hours, she had recovered yet another fragment of her memory. She wouldn't tell anyone when it was, what year, what century, what era. She wouldn't tell them anything.  
  
Heero sighed. Since the wars with the Gundams and Mobile suits, this lifetime. . . seemed different, almost as if he were a normal boy again. But he wasn't. He couldn't act like a normal human being. He had tried many times, but failed miserably. He stared at her, watching her without speaking.  
  
She just gazed back at him coldly, and repeated Duo's name.  
  
"Do you remember Duo, Relena? Would you like us to call him?" Milliardo asked urgently- there was always the chance the meeting Duo would allow her to recover more fragments of memories.  
  
"NO!" Cried Heero suddenly. "I mean, why do you need to call Duo? She's still sick. . ."  
  
But before he could finish his sentence Relena interrupted him.  
  
"Look- Heero, I don't remember you, all I remember of me, and you, is when you said you wanted to kill me at school when I handed you an invitation to my birthday party- which you shredded. Have you ever thought that maybe I don't want to remember all the crap you probably, and most likely seem to have put me through? I don't want to remember! I. . . I want to meet Duo!" Relena finished confidently, looking at Milliardo for support, feeling dazed and began swaying a little as her vision blurred and the went back to normal.  
  
She had decided that he didn't need to hear about when he had saved her on. . . Libra. That would show, however vaguely, that she still had some feelings for him. That she too had weaknesses.  
  
And with that, she dragged herself out of bed, wincing as the cold of the hospital room chilled her bare legs, and began walking towards to the door, but Milliardo intercepted her.  
  
"Relena-"  
  
"No, I don't want to hear it. I'm sorry. Please, you suggested it after all, Milliardo. Please let me talk to him. I have so many things I need to ask. . . "  
  
She was breathing heavily, and swayed slightly, putting her right hand out to steady herself against the wall.  
  
So much to remember. . . she never had weird mood swings like this. . . she had no right to talk to them like that though. . . no, no right. . . angry. . . she felt so angry. . .  
  
And then she collapsed on the cold hard floor of the hospital bedroom.  
  
* * *  
  
"Relena? Relena. . . are you okay? Talk to me. . . "  
  
A face. swimming in her vision. . . focus! Relena mentally ordered the vision. . . ow! My head. . . okay. . . dark brown braided hair, black cap, blue eyes. . . Duo?  
  
"Duo. . ." She whispered softly. "I need to ask you. . ."  
  
"Shut up, Relena!" Relena knew he meant this kindly, "You're in no condition to talk. Rest for a while, I'll be here when you wake up, okay? Doc! Hey Doctor, get in here!"  
  
* * *  
  
"Don't worry Mr. Maxwell, she only collapsed because of her head injuries. . . she should be fine in no time, but I would advise you not to wake her up any time soon. You should wait a few hours, let her rest." The doctor advised.  
  
"Okay, thanks. Thanks a lot."  
  
The doctor left, and Duo finally went back into Relena's room.  
  
"Heero. . . "  
  
He stayed by the door, hoping to get a reply from his old friend. . . when he had found out that Heero was alive, why. . . he was so utterly shocked. . . and so. . . relieved. He couldn't bear to see Relena hurt, and he knew she'd been hurting when Heero was presumed dead. But now he was back, this was the perfect chance to get them together again. His thoughts suddenly went back to the telephone conversation with his so called dead friend-  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Duo. . ."  
  
"Yup, that's me. . . who's speaking?"  
  
"Duo, it's me. . . Heero. . ."  
  
Duo nearly dropped the phone from shock. When he had first heard that voice on the phone, he thought it was familiar. . . but Heero? Heero should be dead! After all the shit he put Relena through! How could he. . . He had to be dead- It was so much better that way. . .  
  
"Look, whoever you are, you don't joke about things like that. . . Heero's dead buddy, now get lost."  
  
"No! Wait, please. . . look, Duo. . . Relena's in hospital-"  
  
"What? Is she okay? What the hell happened? Why didn't anyone-"  
  
"Shut up a minute, okay? Look- she has amnesia. . . but the. . . the only person she wants to see now is you."  
  
Duo couldn't stand the bitter disappointment in Heero's voice. He still wasn't convinced that it was Heero, but if Relena was in hospital. . . well, he might not be lying.  
  
"Heero. . . I can imagine how disappointed you are, but you have to understand. . . after you died. . . well, after we thought you died, Relena and I became really close friends. . ."  
  
"I don't care, just get your butt down here." Heero's voice was cold as steel, harsh, unforgiving.  
  
Down where? Which hospital? Damnit! He thought. That was so like Heero! Well. . . time to trace the phone call. . . It probably wasn't Heero anyway. . .  
  
Seeing Heero there, by Relena, nearly all of the time, just sitting there gazing at her beautiful face made Duo realise what an idiot Heero was. How could he dare to hurt her so much? Such a fragile creature. so beautiful and kind. He didn't have the guts to show her his love when she was awake. She didn't deserve the treatment she got from Heero. He knew Heero loved her, probably more than he had loved anyone in his whole life- he could tell by the scene of affection he saw in front of him, but why did he insist on being like that? Why couldn't he just end all her suffering and tell her he loved her? They so badly deserve to be happy after the accident. . .  
  
"Heero, look at me damnit!" Duo burst out, frustrated by his friend's utter lack of response, "It's not my fault we were such good friends! After you. . . you went away, she needed someone. . . but I swear Heero, I swear I didn't touch her."  
  
He turned around, facing him. Glared at the braided mechanic for a few seconds, and then turned back towards Relena's sleeping form and held her hand tightly as he had been doing for the past few hours.  
  
God! The asshole! Who the hell did he think he was? There Duo was, bending head over heals to try and make everything work out between them, and there Heero was, being as ungrateful and contemptuous as ever.  
  
Without properly knowing what he was doing, he walked over to Heero, pulled at him by his jacket, turned him around roughly, and punched his face as hard as he could.  
  
"That Heero, old buddy, " he said sarcastically, "was for all the crap you put Relena through. . ."  
  
Then, still clutching the back of his jacket, kneed him in the groin.  
  
"And that," he said, stepping backwards and catching Heero's eye, "is for being such an asshole for your whole damn miserable life."  
  
And with that, he strode out of the room, leaving Heero to drown in his own misery.  
  
* * *  
  
"I'm so glad you're okay, Relena! I would have come sooner, but I had no idea." Duo had pushed his earlier encounter with Heero to the back of his mind and was trying to concentrate solely on Relena, ignoring the Perfect Soldier, who was sitting despondently in the corner of the room.  
  
"No, it's fine, really." Relena smiled at him and he felt more at ease, even if he was sitting in the same room as the guy he'd just had a rather nasty and one-sided fight with, "Look, I just wanted to ask some questions. . . I mean. . . okay, what are Gundams? And Libra? I just keep getting these. . . brief glimpses, I suppose, of memory, and I have no idea what to make of them."  
  
Duo had spoken to Milliardo before Relena had woken up about how much he should reveal to her, and he was told that he shouldn't tell her anything about the war. If he could help, he should try and not talk about anything in too much detail- all she remembered, she should remember on her own.  
  
But how could he do that?  
  
"Hey, Relena," Duo really didn't know what to say, "That's just, sad, depressing stuff that you really don't need to know about." He paused, searching for words, a change of subject, anything, "Let's talk about you! How are you?"  
  
She stared at him in disbelief, and suddenly laughed. "I'm sick of everyone censoring my life, the things I want to know, the things I want to find out. Maybe I should just not remember anything if my life was so depressing. Maybe I should just forget all you guys and start and new life, somewhere else, away from all of you."  
  
"Relena, please. . . don't say that." Heero suddenly murmured from the other side of the room, his face hidden by his brown hair. He walked over to her, and just stood there motionless, as though waiting for something. Milliardo nodded to Duo and they left the room. Though rather reluctantly.  
  
Heero sat down in the chair. He took a deep breath. Maybe he should just get everything out now, because Duo could go and ruin it all and perhaps even tell her how much he loved her (and Heero had a niggling suspicion that Duo did indeed love her), and how much Heero didn't deserve her.  
  
"Relena. . . I. . . well, before I. . . went away, you may not remember. . ."  
  
He breathed in again. Okay, this should be easier than it used to be. She doesn't have any idea what a cold and heartless person I. . . I was. I can start over. I have a chance to start over. I can take her to the cliff, and perhaps if, for once in my life, I'm lucky, she'll remember. I have no idea why she should. . . but it's worth a shot.  
  
"We were so close. I don't want to spoil what we had, I don't want you to hate me-"  
  
"But what choice do I have?" She interrupted in a barely audible voice. "I feel. . . I know, that you've hurt me so much in the past. . . I remembered so clearly when. . . when you said that you would kill me. . ."  
  
"But Relena!" He took her hand and held it up to his lips, kissing it softly, forgetting his nervousness and previous restraint around her. "That was such a long time ago! Don't you remember some of the good times? When I swore I would protect you? We didn't know each other back then when we were at school. when I said that, it was a completely different lifetime to this one. There's always a choice, Relena. Please."  
  
"But I'm so afraid. . ." She said, tears building up in her clear blue eyes. They were always clear blue, Heero thought, never changed, or grew cloudy. Always simple, beautiful, clear blue eyes.  
  
"You were before, too. . . but you gave me the chance to prove myself to you. . ."  
  
"And did you?" She asked, tears now streaming down her face, for a reason that was vague, even to her.  
  
She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, she wanted him to know that he held the power to hurt her so much, she wanted to tell him that she was afraid of being hurt by him again as she had been so many times before. . . but what was the use?  
  
He could do nothing but look at her, hoping that perhaps his eyes would give away all the love he held for her in his heart. The love that was locked away in his inert heart, that he had lost the key to when he was barely an adolescent human being, made to train to become a Gundam pilot. All the love the she deserved, but the love he didn't know how to give and show. But suddenly, her eyes rolled to the back of her head.  
  
He slapped her cheek gently thinking that it was nothing more than a headache. What the hell was wrong though? Her eyes wouldn't come back into focus.  
  
"Relena. . . ? Relena! Relena!"  
  
She suddenly tensed and began twitching violently in her bed.  
  
He let go of her hand and bolted out of the door. Something was wrong. . . so very wrong.  
  
"Doctor! DOCTOR!!!"  
  
* * *  
  
Okay, so. . . oh the suspense (I love that word- hehe). . . man I love writing this fic, there's so much I can do with it. . . but don't worry ::sigh:: she won't die this time either. . . Heero will just realise some stuff, and then realise that he has to do some other stuff, and then take her some place, and then some stuff will happen. . . but hey, I'm already spoiling the whole thing, but please review! I would love to know what you think so far! 


End file.
